Pushing outside of the comfort zone

Have you ever read a book that makes you so uncomfortable that you actually have to stop reading to give yourself a break? Yeah.. it's that book..

SUIT BOOK 1 THE TWIN TRIO by Jettie Woodruff

I've got to tell you, this book is FUCKING with my head .. now if you are me, that isn't a bad thing.

I love, love, love head games.. not IRL of course; but clever books, with plots that make me uncomfortable, make me pause, make me think, make me wonder WTF..oh yeah.

SUIT is the newest WTF book, (I will write about the others now that I have more time(see my most recent post) there are some really great books out there now)

So where was I, oh yeah..

SUIT BOOK 1 EXCERPT

 I woke from a coma unaware that I even had a twin, and married to a man with two little girls. Although I fell madly in love with the children that I didn’t remember, I didn’t feel like I belonged with Paxton Pierce. I couldn’t be who he wanted me to be no matter how hard I tried. But things aren’t always as they seem. I fought my own demons, trying not to be the submissive he required me to be, yet I craved it like a drug. I wanted him. 
Once upon a time I was an identical twin. 
And then I wasn’t. 

Trust me when I say this excerpt doesn't even begin to cover the fuckedupedness..of the relationship between Gabriella and Paxton. I truly thought Paxton was a sociopath, and I despised him. I had to put this book down many many time, I kept waiting for Gabriella to kill Paxton or a hero to come in and save her or hell, at least have her kick him to the curb..

Now did any of that happen.. well you'll have to read the book, seriously did you think I was going to tell you?

HA, not a chance.

Changes

And... I quit my job, crazy right?

For 6 years I  worked for a great guy at a great company with a fabulously great team, until it was no longer great. 

I loved my job, freaking loved my job, until I didn't.

I still love my team, I still love the guy I worked for; but I hated the changes. I hated the attitudes, the snarkiness, the lack of respect, the underhandedness of it all.

So I wrote up my notice, turned it in and was let go the same day... sigh, not how I wanted it to end.. but end it did.

And God Bless America! It hurts!
Thankfully I know it won't always hurt, but today it hurts.

So I took a part time job working for family friends to help with the transition, and it is helping. Is it the next step up for me?

No

I know this, and I have been upfront with our friends. I know this is a transition period, and to be truthful, once the shock of not being part of team H wore off; I really became excited.

I can write...
I can start my own business...
I can interview and possibly take a job in a different industry.

The point is, I feel no fear in looking for a new job at 51 years old.

NONE

I still believe in me and my abilities, my core beliefs have not changed.

I'm the same awesome bad ass that my profile says I am; I just don't happen to be making that big paycheck anymore.

But I will, it may take hard work, determination and big balls; but hey I've done that all along. 

Start small, Dream Big

I have always had an interest in writing, well at least after I learned to read and write.

That sounds like the normal progression, right? The truth of the matter is... I didn't learn to read until I was eight years old, and now that I think about it; I was most likely closer to nine. I struggled in school, not only with reading and writing, I couldn't comprehend math at all.

Not much has changed with math, I will never be able to comprehend anything above basic math and I am so OK with that.


You see, I had been called a retard, slow, incorrigible and stupid. My parents didn't know what to do with me, hell I didn't know what to do with me. Being me wasn't easy, I struggled until I finally learned to read and write.

 I wasn't officially diagnosed with ADD until I was 41 years old. I cannot tell you the relief I felt with that official diagnosis.

So here I am 42 years after those struggles with reading and writing, taking a chance and putting my thoughts out there.

Am I scared now?
Nope, not even a little.

My thoughts are just thoughts, whether you agree with me or not. It really has no bearing no what I post.


So I will post what I find interesting, and that is that.